Mindset Matters

How Thoughts Shape Our Experience

More and more these days, we hear about “mindset” as a key ingredient for success. Beyond actions alone, mindset plays a crucial role in achieving our goals and living our values.

But what is mindset, really? How does it impact us—and how do we actually change it?

Let’s take a closer look.

What is Mindset?

While the term “mindset” can mean different things to different people, at its core, mindset is a  collection of your thoughts and beliefs.

Your thoughts are the things you tell yourself in a specific moment:

😖 “This is impossible!”

😖 “I’m terrible at this!”

😖 “I’m exhausted!”

Your beliefs are broader and shape how you interpret the world. Often we’re less aware of our beliefs:

😞 “If I fail, it means I’m not good enough.”

😞 “Things always go wrong for me.”

😞 “Things are never going to change.”

Why Does Mindset Matter?

It might seem like your actions and circumstances are what make the biggest impact—and in many ways, they are. But mindset also plays a key role.

This is explained by the confirmation bias. The confirmation bias is a natural human tendency to notice evidence that supports our existing beliefs while discounting evidence that contradicts them.

If I believe, “This is impossible!”, then every setback I face will seem like proof that something really is impossible. But if I believe, “With patience and support, I can figure this out,” then those same setbacks instead are challenges to overcome—not stop signs!!

Our mindset also subtly shapes how we communicate with others and the impact we have on our environment. Humans, especially our children, are incredibly sensitive to picking up behaviors and emotions in others - often when we’re not even aware of it! Even if you’re smiling and saying all the “right” things, if your underlying thoughts are, “I hate this,” or “I’m too tired for this,” these sentiments can come through. That disconnect can impact how others respond and react to us and our behaviors.

Problematic Mindsets

Thoughts and beliefs can be problematic in two main ways. Thoughts and beliefs might be inaccurate or simply not helpful—even if they’re technically true.

Inaccurate Thoughts:

Sometimes, we believe things that just aren’t true:

❌ “No one likes me.”

❌ “If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m a failure.”

❌ “If my child is struggling, it’s because I’m a bad parent.”

In these cases, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers powerful strategies to identify and challenge these cognitions. For example, examining the evidence helps identify where our thoughts may be distorted or inaccurate.

Unhelpful (But True) Thoughts:

Other times, our thoughts are factually correct but don’t serve us well in the moment.

Let’s say you didn’t sleep well last night. Telling yourself, “I’m so exhausted” might be true—but repeating it throughout the day might make you feel even worse and sap your energy. 

Building an Empowering Mindset

When developing a new mindset it must be both believable and helpful. Here are four strategies:

Focus on Growth

The idea of a “growth mindset,” originally developed by Carol Dweck, centers on the belief that skills and abilities can grow and improve over time. A growth mindset sounds like:

🌱 “I’m not good at this, yet.”

🌱 “Mistakes are opportunities to learn and improve.”

🌱 “I’m working at it.”

This contrasts with a “fixed mindset,” which reflects limiting beliefs that don’t allow for change or evolution.

🛑 “I’m not good at this,”

🛑 “That’s not me.” 

Using language that allows for growth and points towards future progress can be a powerful tool.

Stay Connected to Your Values

Often, the path aligned with our values is hard. Holding the end result in mind and remembering your “why” can give you the motivation to keep going.

For example:

👍“I’m finishing this workout because I care about my health.”

👍 “I’m setting this boundary with my child because I’m willing to work hard for their wellbeing.”

Engage in Practical Problem-Solving

When we're going through hardships, it's important to validate the core of the thought or belief. By acknowledging your experience, you create space to consider whether there's anything that might improve your situation—and to ask yourself, what would help?

Let’s return to the example of feeling tired. Whereas we’ve already determined that it would be unhelpful to spend the day constantly reminding yourself of how tired you are, acknowledging that you’re particularly fatigued might open the door to solutions that could help the situation: 

✅ Reviewing your calendar and task list to remove or postpone anything that isn’t urgent or essential

✅ Carving out time for a short 15–20 minute nap

✅ Take a brisk walk to boost your energy

✅ Reaching out for support—maybe a friend or family member can take on a task or swap a carpool shift.

Encourage Yourself

Sometimes we need to be our own best cheerleader! Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. Try these strategies to give yourself a boost!

📣 Remind yourself when you have previously been successful in this situation

📣 Remind yourself of other accomplishments you’ve made

📣 Look forward to rewards, breaks, or future wins

📣 Try encouraging phrases like, “You got this!”

📣 Remind yourself of your strengths, “You are a hard worker," “You are strong” “You are creative” 

Setting Realistic Expectations

Mindset is a powerful tool—but it’s not magic. 

Having a healthy mindset doesn’t erase stress or discomfort. Sometimes people believe that with the “right” mindset, their experiences won’t be hard or challenging, or that they will feel cheerful and motivated to do hard things. Hard work still feels hard. Most of what we pursue that’s meaningful is also challenging. But the right mindset can get you through tough times and keep you moving forward.

Teach Your Kids

Given how powerful a healthy mindset can be, it's important to teach these skills and strategies to our children. Here are a few ways to begin:

👫 Kids internalize external messages – Speak to them the way you’d want them to speak to themselves. Over time, they internalize what they hear. The words they hear from others become the words they use with themselves.

👫 Modeling – Say aloud what you are saying to yourself. Model your own healthy mindset. 

👫 Develop curiosity  – When you hear your child use language that reflects an inaccurate or unhelpful mindset ask, "How does it feel when you say that to yourself?" Then explore together, can we think of something more helpful to say? "What if you said ___ instead? How would that feel?"

👫 Help them set realistic expectations – Dispel any myths that they should be instantly good at something. Reinforce the understanding that success takes effort, practice, and time.

Mindset isn’t about pretending everything is great. It’s about choosing thoughts and beliefs that support you—even when things are difficult. Just like any skill, mindset takes practice. You’ve got this!