Demystifying Mindfulness

Mindfulness: What It Really Is (And Isn't)

One of the most misunderstood concepts in psychology is mindfulness. I can almost hear the collective eye roll, just at the mention of the word. There are a lot of misconceptions about what mindfulness means:

👉 You need to be calm all the time

👉 You're never distracted

👉 You must empty your mind of all thoughts

None of this is true.

What Mindfulness Actually Is

At its core, mindfulness is simply your ability to regulate your attention—to choose what you want to focus on and sustain that focus. That's it.

Think of your attention as a spotlight. You can direct it toward:

🌱 External experiences (through your senses)

• What you're seeing

• What you're hearing

• What you're smelling or touching

🌱 Internal experiences

• Bodily sensations

• Thoughts

• Emotions

• Body processes like breathing and your heartbeating
  

As I write this, I can hear background noises in the room where I’m working. If I focus on writing, I move my spotlight away from these sounds and onto the clicking of the keyboard—the sound fades into the background. Or I can attend to the sound, and then it becomes present in my mind.

Perhaps one of the mindfulness strategies people are most familiar with is attending to your breath. This practice has a calming effect—when you focus on your breathing, you shift your attention away from whatever might be causing distress, allowing those associated feelings to gradually subside.

Why Mindfulness Matters

Mindfulness isn't about being calm all the time—it's a foundational building block of emotional health. It's your ability to be aware of what you need to know.

Think about it like this:

Humans are complex beings. Every day, we perform countless routines to move through our day—from brushing our teeth to driving a car to interacting with others. When we first learn these skills, we focus intensely on them. Once mastered, they go on autopilot, allowing our brain to efficiently manage many complicated tasks simultaneously.

But what if we've learned patterns that aren't effective anymore? How do we make a change?

Learning From Athletes

When Serena Williams wants to improve her backhand or Tiger Woods his swing, they first take video of their current technique to identify the problem. They take something that has become "automatic" over years, bring it off autopilot, and build awareness of what's happening. Only then can they consciously add new behaviors, practice them repeatedly, until the improved technique becomes automatic again.

The same process applies to our psychological behaviors. From birth, we learn about the world, building associations, relationships, and routines. When we find ourselves stuck in problematic situations or relationships, we need to become aware of the behavior patterns at play before we can evaluate them and decide where to make changes.

For example, if you become aware of your thought patterns, maybe you recognize that every time you feel angry, you tell yourself why you shouldn't feel angry. This may cause you to miss the important feedback available to you from that emotion.

Beyond Behavior Change

Mindfulness is an incredibly powerful tool—brain imaging studies show that regular practice actually changes brain structures! Mindfulness increases activation in your ventral medial prefrontal cortex, a region associated with improved emotional regulation—a key skill for creating and living the life you want.

GIve It a Try

Practicing mindfulness is like going to the gym for your brain. The core feature is choosing what to focus on—and when distractions happen (which they will!), kindly bringing your attention back.

You might try:

• Audio recordings on apps or podcasts

• Mindful breathing exercises

• Taking a mindful walk

There are many ways to practice mindfulness, and they all work! Just like your physical health routine, your mindfulness practice can be personalized to fit what works best for you.

Teach your Kids

Children can also benefit from developing more intentional mindfulness skills:

Start simple with these age-appropriate approaches:

• For younger children, try the "superhero listening" game—have them close their eyes and identify all the sounds they can hear

• There are great apps and recordings online for guided imagery specifically designed for kids

• Try age-appropriate breathing exercises like "balloon belly" (slowly filling your belly with air like a balloon)

These activities strengthen your child's mind and ability to regulate their body, setting the foundation for a lifetime of emotional wellbeing.