Understanding Anxiety

Nearly all of us can relate to feeling anxious at times. In our fast-paced, overscheduled, high-achieving culture, anxiety is often present in our daily lives, across a wide range of circumstances. To better help us understand what it is and how to manage it, let's take a closer look…

What is Anxiety?

At its most basic, anxiety is a collection of symptoms—thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and physiological changes—occuring in response to a stimulus that triggers a fear response.

An Example Scenario

Imagine going to a party where you experience a few awkward moments:

😳A conversation that stalls out

😳Standing alone briefly

😳Joining a conversation and feeling awkward before contributing

In these moments, you're likely feeling a combination of embarrassment and vulnerability - ugh. 

Now with this uncomfortable experience under your belt, the next evite you receive may spike your anxiety: 

Symptoms of Anxiety
Thoughts	Behaviors	Emotions	Physiological Changes
“I won’t have anyone to talk to”  “I’m going to look foolish” “I won’t have anything interesting to say” “I won’t fit in”	Urge to skip the party	Fear	Muscle tension Shallow breathing

The Emotional Health Framework

Let’s use the framework for emotional health to work through this example:

1. Identify your emotions

2. Validate and experience your emotions

3. Choose a behavior response that's in line with your values

Identify Your Emotions

A closer examination might reveal that what's driving the anxiety is fear - fear of being in a situation where you might experience vulnerability and embarrassment.

Validate and Experience Your Emotions

Validating your experiences means reminding yourself why it makes sense to feel what you're feeling. It's unpleasant to feel vulnerable and embarrassed. No one would want to feel that way. It makes sense to be afraid of potentially feeling those uncomfortable feelings again. Give yourself permission to remember what it was like and allow yourself to feel afraid of it happening again. 

Make a Behavior Choice Aligned with Your Goals

The natural response to feeling fear would be to skip the event. But is this the right thing to do? Having a clear sense of your goals and values is crucial to decision making. 

If the upcoming event feels scary and attending is NOT aligned with your goals and values - then YES! Skip it!

However, what if the event IS in line with your goals? 

🤔Is the event important to someone you want to support?

🤔Does attending provide an opportunity to meet new people?

🤔Will it help you engage with an organization you care about?

If you determine that attending the event is an important step towards your goals, then overcoming fear and anxiety is crucial. 

Being Brave

Just because you decide that attending the event is consistent with your goals doesn’t make it easy. There is still fear and anxiety associated with attending. 

Bravery is doing something while you are afraid to do it.

We don’t find success by making situations “safe” or getting the fear to go away before we attend the event. We overcome anxiety by feeling fear - and doing it anyway! 

Strategies for Success

Here’s the secret: You can tolerate feeling afraid! 

💪Fear will not last forever

💪Fear will not kill you

💪Fear will not make you unable to function

A likely scenario is that during the event you will have moments of discomfort, embarrassment, and vulnerability, which will ebb and flow through the night. All of this is tolerable and is a step toward your goals! 

Helping Your Children Manage Anxiety

Parents often ask the question:

“If my child is fearful and scared, should I make them go to [practice, school, a party, etc.]? Or should I let them skip it and stay home?”

The answer is somewhere in the middle. 

At Green Leaf we recommend “coaching” your child through these tough moments by helping them ask some key questions and develop important skills.

🌱Think about what choice is most in line with their/your family’s values 

🌱Create strategies to help your child tolerate unpleasant feelings 

✔️ Build in social support

✔️ Break the task/event down into small steps

✔️ Develop a helpful phrase to remember

✔️ Make a plan to get through hard moments 

🌱Implement a positive reward or reinforcement for doing something hard

The Bigger Picture

When we make choices out of fear, our world becomes smaller. When we learn skills to do things we're afraid of, the world opens up, allowing us to choose options that align with our values!